I guess I should start out by saying welcome to my site. You’re about to embark on a journey few have been permitted on.
Dissociative Identity Disorder is still something psychologists are struggling to understand. In fact, there is a huge debate on whether the disease is real or should even be in the DSM at all. Formally known as Multiple Personality Disorder it’s pretty clear what it consists of.
Usually DID is brought on by intense amounts of trauma and abuse. Usually in adolescence. I’ve done a lot of research, because I want to better understand ourselves.
First things first:
I want to start out by saying that to my knowledge, and through conversations with the others, abuse is something that never happened to us. Unless someone holds these thoughts/memories we have yet to meet. Which is quite doubtful. As a whole, we were never sexually abused, or abused physically at all. At least in this form. The only thing we can think of that caused us to become ourselves is the lack of childhood communication and persistent bullying/verbal abuse from peers and older family members our host experienced as a child. It is to my knowledge that only two people hold these memories, and I’ve only picked up bits and pieces. So, ignorance is bliss, I suppose. You see, only a few of us know exactly why we are here… and know what trigger us. I, myself, not being one of them.
For those ignorant to the ways of DID…welcome. As a bit of background, the DSM (what psychologists use to classify and diagnose various mental disorders and diseases) classifies DID as a disorder showing:
A. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).
B. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behavior.
C. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures).
To answer your first question, yes, I am an alter. I’ve been known by many things in my lifetime here. I’ve been many things; constantly changing has always been something I’ve been known for. To answer your second question, yes, alters all have our own history. To us it is very real, although it might not be to you or make any sense. We are all our own people. My ohana (what we call our system) likes to think of it as different energies trapped in the same place. It’s what makes the most sense to us, anyway. If you’re another alter or host reading this and have a different view, that’s fine. We aren’t trying to push our view on anyone, just share it.
My Own History:
Currently my name is Marn, short for Marina. I’ve changed it a few times, for reasons unspoken. I’m originally from Italy, born on December 24th, 1990. I have a large family, a few of which are other alters within our ohana whom I sure you will meet at some point or another. I grew up separated from two of my brothers because of family issues we had, things I’d rather not discuss this early on. So, in essence, growing up I only had one brother; Mirko. We had a fairly decent upbringing, returning to the rest of our family on holiday. I’m not entirely close with any of my family.
About me (alter-wise):
I was the “fifth” alter created by our host. I’m not sure why, just one day I was here. I came to be when our host was in late elementary school. Things had been pretty rough. Family in the hospital, loneliness consuming her constantly, I just took over. I seem to come out when loneliness and depression begins to consume us again. At least, that’s what I believe to be the reason.
It is my hope that I will be able to use this blog to explain us more and talk about our ohana. It’s scary to be so open about such things, but it’s something I feel needs to be done.
I have bad feelings about this, but it’s done with good intention.