disassociation

If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar.

 I don’t know why I’m here, yet I’m increasingly finding myself out amongst the real world-instead of the cozy one within our head without the slightest notion of the reason why. Something has to be triggering me, causing me to come out here, but what? What is my purpose? This seems like quite the existential quest to most I suppose. However, I feel it’s something I deserve to know. Most of the Ohana knows why they’re here.

I only know bit and pieces of my personal existence. I can only assume what I come out for, but have no definitive reasoning behind any of it. It’s been driving me mad. 

We don’t go to a therapist or psychologist or anything. It’s just us-trying to work together. Struggling as our host blacks out more and more and has worst and worst memory gaps. I mean, we just lost our cellphone for 3 1/2 days because one of us put it somewhere and no one else in the system knew where. Things are getting decently bad, and I feel like we’re just hindering the poor girl. Maybe we should see a T…I don’t think Brendan would allow it. 

Only a few people know about us. People who were told on the spurr of a moment when Brendan couldn’t prevent it. I still remember when he tried to scare off her SO by pretending to be a demon possessing our body. That was hilariously uncalled for. Now there are three people who know. 2 friends and her SO. Of course, those two friends probably blabbed so more than likely more than that know.

I feel like seeing a T or telling her family, even if it’s jut her sister, would help her be able to handle the situations we’re putting her through. I don’t want her to be alone in this. As much as we’re in this together, we’re on entirely different planes of existence. I just want her to be happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.